Cleaning Out the Skeletons In The Closet

Hmmmm, it has been awhile since my last entry, Shame on me! Well not really, I just didn't have anything to say. It has been very difficult for me to get in the "right frame of mind" to de-clutter anything around this house. I will start, then stop. I guess I'm not really ready to clear the skeletons out of my life! I sometimes think it would be much easier to have some stranger come in and just do it for me. But that wouldn't be solving any of my "issues" now would it?

This afternoon I started on my closet and it is now 9:44pm and I haven't gotten any closer to being done. I get rid of a pair of shoes and walk away, come back to get rid of another pair and walk away. It is now 9:46pm and there is still a big mess in front of the closet. It was beginning to depress me so much I stopped and ask if Laney and Ben wanted to go to dinner at Red Lobster. The whole idea of this de-cluttering is to keep my mind off food and clear out the house and my mind. Okay, so today it isn't working in my favor. There is always tomorrow!

Recovery Day

Seeing as yesterday was such a tramatic day, I chose to take today off, bad idea. If I am to de-clutter this house, I need to keep at it, even if it's just two drawers at a time.

I did finaly go grocery shopping last night by the way. Karli and Cameron wanted to come along. As we were headed out the door, Laney and Ben said they were coming too. Oh my! Three teens and a 21 year old. Word of advice to anyone reading this, NEVER, EVER, TAKE TEENS WITH YOU SHOPPING" We started at the produce section and I was pleasantly surprised as to all of the fruits and vegitables they put in the cart. I thought to myself, "maybe this wont be so bad after all". Then we went around to the meats, cheeses, milk, eggs and all was good. Then we came to the isles, breads, chips, cereals, still okay. But when we came to the candy section, I was taken back to the days when the girls were just little and wanted "Canny". Only this time, it was the guys bugging me about it. Cameron tried to sneek a "huge" variety bag of tootsie rolls/pops, into the cart. Further down the isle it was peanut butter mm's. I tried my best as to keep the "junk" food out of the cart. I kept telling them, if you want it, you buy it! I would say almost two hours later, we went to the check out stand and I began to put the items on the belt. That is when I cought the red white and blue sugar cookies, "Put those back", then there was a few other items that I made them put back.
During this whole time, the young check out girl was cracking up about everything. The kids began to bag the items that made it past my inspection. People began to line up behind us waiting their turn. I stood there waiting with my debit card in hand waiting for the total. "HOLY SH*T" I think I even said it out loud, there was the total, a whopping $281.37. I have never spent that much at the grocery store before. Okay, Costco, yes, but not at Food 4 Less. I put the debit card back in my wallet and pulled out the visa. The kids finished bagging and we were off, but not before the young checker told us we were the high lite of her evening.
We got home and I made the kids unload the car and  put the food away. As they were doing it, I saw a box of frozen monkey bread, huge and I mean huge, marshmellows, frozen pizza, gummy bears, double stuffed oreos, ice cream sandwiches, and a 4 pack of monster drinks. How the hell did they get that past my inspection? Well, Karli told me that while I was putting an item on the belt, they would go behind me with one of the "unauthorized" items. I didn't know I had raised such sneaky kids. This is why I never do the shopping and Tim does it. I was assured that they would all fix me breakfast in the morning. Yeah that didn't happen! But they will be fixing me dinner one of these nights. I will make sure of that!

Now there is all the "JUNK" food that is there just tempting me to eat it. Sigh...

Who Knew I Could Be So Attached To Wooden Spoons and Plastic Spatulas!

Today I read about purging my kitchen. It suggested to go through all the drawers and get rid of anything that is either missing parts, cracked, broken or if you have more than one of something. I had enlisted my 18 year old, Karli, to help! That might have been a mistake. She has no attachment to anything! So we took out the two drawers that hold the wooden and plastic spoons, measuring utensils, and spatulas, wine/can openers, whisks and so on. There they all were laid out on the counter. WOW! I have a lot of "stuff" within just two small drawers! With a garbage sack and a box near by, we began the process. Karli started with making me decide which can opener to get rid, we have three. Okay, that was some what easy, on to the spatulas, I have 5! Kept two, that wasn't bad, next it was the wooden spoons and plastic spoons for mixing. This is where I started to lose it. This is where my mind was kicking in and beginning to "rationalize" why I needed to keep all of them. Even though one had a crack in it. (But it was the one Kathy gave me while we were in Switzerland) Cameron, Karli's boy friend, was sitting across the counter watching as I continued to rationalize how I NEEDED everyone of them. I was feeling the anxiety. We finally came to an agreement and the other's went into the box. I still have the cracked wooden spoon from Switzerland. Karli started to congratulate me and to tell me how good I was doing! That's when she stepped around me and saw the "stash" of wooden spoons and plastic spatulas I had been hoarding to the side. That's when Cameron and Karli and yes even me began to laugh. Cameron was witnessing first hand how I have a few issues. I began to laugh even harder. Now, those of you that know me well, will understand what I'm talking about when I say the "farm animals" began to "come out of the barn". Karli was hoping that Cameron would never be a witness to this joyful laughter, but no such luck. I mean, she had to know that one of these days the animals would be turned loose around him.
When this happens, I go from laughing to crying. Well, by then I had gone to my room and I found my  self, not laughing, but crying. Crying over those damn spatulas and wooden spoons I did give up. Now I know what your thinking, "this women must be crazy"! I sometimes think the very same thing. But then I remember, it's in my genes!
If you decide to "purge" your house in order to lose weight, you may not cry over wooden spoons and spatulas, but I bet there will be something else that will make you cry!
PS
I think there really is something to this whole concept, I was so busy making decisions, I didn't eat any junk today! And no I hadn't gone shopping yet. But I'm heading out the door now to get it done.

I Should Be 400 Pounds!

So I started reading this book called "Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Big" by Peter Walsh. It's suppose to be an "easy plan for losing weight and living more". I'm like half way through and it is making so much sense. In a nut shell, because I have so much clutter in my life; house, work and yes family, it is cluttering up my mind so much that I can't think straight and there for I eat! The solution! Is to de-clutter my entire house, or at least start with the house. It's the only thing I have total control over. At least I like to think I have total control over it. However, I will have to fight with my own mind when it wants to rationalize why I shouldn't get rid of something I don't use, wear, or need. "Oh God, this is not going to be easy for me. I know my habits, bad as they are. I can start to feel the anxiety already. (Still there is nothing to eat in this house)
"Oh Calgon, take me away". If it were only that easy, to fill up your bath tub, sprinkle in some yummy fragrant salts, slip in, close your eyes and all of a sudden your not in Kansas or in my case, Redding anymore. Your magically swept away to a tropical island basking in the sun while some rather handsome guy brings you "foo foo" drinks and a platter of fresh tropical fruits to nibble on. Or maybe you find your in some quaint little European town wandering the streets enjoying the sights and smells of fresh pastries and breads.... Wait a minute, someone is at the door, hold that thought. Okay, so it wasn't even worth bringing me back to the real world. It was some kid going door to door trying to sell "MEAT" "FROZEN MEAT". Who buys frozen meat from a kid going door to door? Okay, maybe if it's the "Schwanz" guy. I can't imagine it even being frozen solid, it's 100 degrees out today.
So getting back to "why" my house makes me fat! In this book, it goes on to tell me that you should love your home and that it should be your sanctuary from the rest of the chaos of the day. But if it is full of clutter or disorganized, then that puts you in a state of clutter yourself. How can you respect yourself, if you don't respect your home. But let me take you back 26 years ago. It was the summer of 1985 and Tim and I are on our very first date. Before we went to dinner, he took me by to see the house he was in the process of buying. This was his first home. Mind you, it was only a big slab of concrete with a bunch of pipes sticking up here and there. As I sat in the area of the door entering from what would be the garage into the kitchen, he went around showing me where all of the rooms would be. When he was finished, he asked me, "What do you think"? My answer was, "Fine, I guess, I personally wouldn't want to live here". I can't help but chuckle now. My reason was I didn't like the garage being the "focal" point of the house and how the living room was located in the back and how there would be very few windows in the place. I liked having my living room in the front of the house so you could see out front. There were other things I didn't like about it but I didn't go on to mention them. I mean really, this WAS our first date. I did include, "but hey, I'm not the one living here, as long as YOU like it"! Well, then on November 19, 1985 we both moved into that house. So, I was doomed to be fat because I HATED THIS HOUSE then and I still do! Oh man, I really must go grocery shopping!

Independence Day!

Sunday, June 4th. 2010~ Today is Independence Day. It's the perfect day to take back control of my life! I've been having these thoughts that I have no purpose in life any more. By this I mean, Laney is now "21" and will be moving to Denver with her boy friend "Ben" if things go her way. Karli is "18" and has graduated high school and she too has a boy friend, "Cameron". So needless to say, between friends the boy friends, lap tops, cell phones to keep them occupied, I don't see much of them any more. Unless it's to come ask me for money! Karli doesn't have a job yet, so I do see her more often. So my purpose of "Mother Hood" is winding down.
Then there is Tim, He is still very busy with Smoke Jumping. He left yesterday, or was it the day before? Anyway, he is in Alaska for at least 2 weeks to fight fires. When he is home, he has the back yard to keep him busy. I sometimes think they all would much rather spend their time with others or the back yard instead of spending time with me! Hmmmmm~ I can hear the violins playing, can you?
The girls went to watch the fire works with their boy friends and I stayed home with the dogs. They did ask me to go, but I really wasn't in the mood to hang out with people. Or maybe it's just my way of getting use to the idea that some day, they will both be gone and I will have no one to take care of. I'm so depressed.I sound so pathetic right now. Yeah, tell me something I don't already know~ and to top it off, there is NOTHING in this house to eat!!!